The Dark Night

I'm going to tell you that last night duty were one of those days that were very taxing. You are stripped of the right to be angry to your patient. Maybe that is why they call the patients "patient" to remind you to keep your cool with them. I was feeling a steam building up in me. And when I am almost in the brink of exploding, I look at my patient, and realized that what I am feeling is nothing compared to what my patient was feeling. My loss of control was nothing compared to the extent of loss my patient is suffering. A loss of freedom to move and be wherever you want to be. A loss of freedom from pain and from uncertainty. A loss of freedom to communicate what you are feeling because of the tube through your mouth down your lungs that helps you to breath but forbades you to speak. Such loss was not my loss. It was a shame to feel what I am about to feel that instance. And then I went and gave my very best with utmost compassion and understanding.

The Introvert isn't lonely.

3 hours to go and I'm heading to my night duty.

Welcome friends! This is the first blog that I wrote. As you know, I will be preparing for another human to human experience for the next couple of hours. And this is gonna be really fast. To start, it has never really occurred to me that I'll be doing what I am doing now.

I am much of an introvert. Other people might raise their eyebrows to me and say "Really?." Well to tell you as well, I also volunteer as a church lector (and a psalmist before) in our place. And this is the reason why I got those eyebrows! Honestly, it wasn't me after all. The one who speaks at the ambo. It is the Lord Jesus. And I am only but an instrument of him.

So back to me being an introvert and taking care of people. I never did wished for it. It really is uncomfortable for me speaking with other people. But that was at first. Well I grew out of it and finally learn to communicate. However, I know I still got a lot to learn since I still can get silent and alone sometimes.

But hey! You can't blame me. As the quote goes "Being alone does not necessarily means being lonely." And "alone time" keeps me on reflecting with the events in my life and about things in the future. Being alone wasn't taught to me when I was a kid. I discovered it through failures, mishaps, happiness, enthusiasm, countless diary entries and call it destiny. Not destiny of the future but destiny of the past. It just that the events of my past gave me moments pondering.

Maybe that would be it.

Your Subasa.

p.s. To God be the Glory.